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Originally Posted by Enyapla
To keep it short I have multiple symptoms that are questionable but displaced. I have severe mental illness (anxiety, ED, and mood disorder and self harm) and despite medication, ECt, and therapy I’m not any better. I’ve had symptoms since 10 (currently 19) I also have sexual dysfunction (I’m female) and cant orgasm during sex. This might sounds insane but I’m wondering if I repressed trauma. When I was 7 at most I remember being turned on after being tied to a post during “save the princess” game. I immeidatelu freaked out and panicked at the feeling I then didn’t understand. What else would cause that reaction from a sexually inexperienced child?. I have what I think are gaps in memory but that COULD be ECT side effects. I have an inability to orgasm unless it’s rough BDSM fantasies (lest us not say assault fantasy’s because that disturbs me). So, in sum. I have inexplicable mental ilness, gaps in memory, assault fantasies, sexual dysfunction, and inexplicable sexual reaction/panic when I was young. Is ia stretch to wonder if there’s something I’m repressing? Could these all be conincdences?
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So sorry you are dealing with so much.
With regard to one of your questions, research now proves that unwanted sexual arousal can and does occur. Including with some children being sexually abused. There is an excellent Ted Talk on the subject which I shared with some survivors of sexual abuse posting on PC.
Is it possible you repressed some sort of sexual assault in childhood? I believe it is possible yes. I think you need professional support from an experienced psychologist with a background in sexual dysfunction etc. Repression is complex and retrieval is controversial. That said, your mind seems to be communicating something to you. I fully support you in wanting to explore and understand that better. That's not an "overreaction" by any means. I would seek an expert to help you work through those concerns and memories.
And yes, ECT does cause serious memory problems for lots of people. I work in healthcare and I've had many patients who wish they'd never tried it because it didn't help their mood and the memory impairment is permanent for them.
I don't find your concerns "ridiculous" at all. You seem like an intelligent person who wants to take charge of your health. That is admirable and indicates strength and courage. Well done you! I say give therapy a shot...you can gradually open up and share at a pace which feels comfortable to you. A good therapist will be kind and supportive and never make you feel ridiculous for any reason.
Peace to you
***I am not a doctor and only offer my thoughts and support on PC.