In 20 months WITH my T, I had 1 sexual dream and it was after a pretty graphic discussion in session, so I didn't think much of it. In my heart and mind, he remained friend like to me. That's the big connection I always felt and wanted.

Since he has left, 41 days ago, I've had several sexual dreams/fantasies about him and some quite graphic. LT mentioned once to me that it's likely a way to keep the connection with him or a way to still desire that closeness, which makes sense. I'm not ashamed of it or freaked out by it.

The problem is, I'm unsure how to stop it.... I don't like thinking of him this way. I don't like deluding my mind into things that would never happen. I also prefer to keep our memories as fiendlike and such. It's been hard to go back and think of those good times because I'm so distracted by these thoughts now. Any advice?

And please, no seeing a new T advice, therapy is not for me. I'm fine on my own and it's how I will continue going forward.... there has to be ways to do this without therapy. The weird thing is, we finally were close enough in our relationship, these dreams would have been part of a casual chat with us on a walk or something, nothing I over thought or second guessed. Kinda wish it had happened when he was there to talk to about it.