Hi Monticello,
Hugs back!
And yes, exactly! Rationally, I know everything. I know all the techniques and tricks and things you should do...but it just feels so bad and there is always that little voice of "what if it doesn't work for me".
What do you do to shut that voice up and to try to really internalize your rational knowledge?


@mote.of.soul:
Sorry to hear you're struggling as well.
Oh and a question because I often read this in English but not so much in German:
lots of people say they have depression AND anxiety. For me, anxiety is a symptom of the depression. As opposed to a specific anxiety disorder (like panic disorder or the one where you worry all the time but for years, or social anxiety).
So I wonder if this is just a term that English native speakers use because depression often has anxiety with it, or do people more use it when they have really both diagnosis?
Just a thought because I noticed people often not only say they have depression (which is enough as it is) but also say anxiety - which again, to me, is more like a symptom and would be like listing "i have depression and loss of appetite, and insomnia and low mood".

I like my therapist's approach. She is not too big on the psychiatric diagnosis. She says "yes, the symptoms are there, so call it depression, but what matters to me is the person and why they are in this state and how they can get better".
She doesn't like to make everything pathological.

Anyway, what you say about people recovering and feeling happier sounds like a dream. For me, it is not the first episode though, and in the last few years (due to stress and not being satisfied with private life etc) I had a lot of rough patches and it has made me lose a lot of trust in myself. So I need to work on that.
But hey, there is always the chance this could be the last really bad episode that shows me what I really need and also that I really need to take care of myself and learn to not ignore the first signs.

Mindfullness: thank you! I have read a lot about it. The book "mindful way through depression"..I discovered it in 2013 and thought it could be my holy grail.
For some reason, I never really stuck to a regular practice. Well, when I am doing well I just don't bother.
And I guess that's why I thought "it doesn't work as well as it should".
I still try to integrate it and have started meditating again and try to use it when the moment seems overwhelming.
I guess I also just expect too many results too fast.
Definitely a useful tool and to me the most pragmatic way of dealing with it all. Like it way better than classic CBT exercises.
I also like the ACT approach. The book "the happiness trap" is also really good.
It is just frustrating that I have read so much and know so much about all these tricks, yet I struggle to really implement them or at least I feel like I am not doing it well enough when I am in the middle of the depression.

Wish you all the best for your recovery too!