Hopefully
Thank you for your messages.
I really appreciate your words.
I have difficult to accept the help of a therapist, for many reasons.
First I realize that I have difficult to accept that the only person who maybe can listen to me is someone I have to pay for. This reflects the poorness of my entourage, the poorness of my family, my wrong family unable to support me in such a struggle. And I feel really unlucky for this. I have two parents but it seems I’m alone. For them is important only that I’m alive and well nourished, they only worry if I don’t eat.
This reflects the poorness of the place I live in. But in this moment I cannot leave it, for many (also economi) reasons.
This reflects the difficulty in creating new friendship, I live in a small place. Even if my colleagues loves me, even if I’m greatly respected at work, I have no friends to do something with them, to talk with them. I’m now living as an old woman with nothing in her life but her job, and her old and heavy parents.
And the second reason why I’m refusing a therapist is that I will feel loser in this struggle. My ex husband didn’t care about anything, he’s carrying on his brilliant new life, while I’m going worse. I perceive the therapy as the admission I’m worse than he is, I’m more worthless than he is, ‘cause at the end it’s me that needs help. He succeeded in destroying me, as he wanted.