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Old 01-25-2019, 01:37 PM
Anonymous57363
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Anonymous57363
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Default Re: How long?

I am sorry you're going through so much At one point, you said the worst is over...all the new changes. That's a major positive, right?

It sounds like possibly some of what you're struggling with in your thinking is perfectionism. You mentioned growing up with a hard education and being expected to never make mistakes. With that background, it makes sense that you are judging yourself and being very hard on yourself after the divorce.

If you truly don't want to talk with a therapist, you are going to need to be your own therapist in a way. You will need to start telling yourself to be patient and kind with yourself. Focus on you and your needs. Comparing yourself to others...your ex-husband or anyone else...will not bring you peace. Each of us is on our own unique path in life. We all have strengths and challenges. What are your strengths Azzurrella? Make a list to remind yourself to focus on them.

Think about your body, mind, and spirit. What do they need in order to feel happier? Make a list.

I am sorry you don't have an understanding support network. That's really hard. I did not have a support network when I got divorced. It was lonely and painful but I focused on the advice of my lawyer and psychologist and I made it through. I built a better life for myself. It can be done.

You mentioned feeling less than or weaker than your ex. You are not. You are not stupid. Your value is intrinsic...it's been present since the day you were born. Nothing can change that. Your worth isn't any more or less than anyone else's.

Since you don't want to talk to a therapist, what about looking at the research? You could start doing searches: 'strategies for moving forward after divorce' or 'how to deal with loneliness after divorce' etc. There is a lot of helpful research out there. You could check Psychology Today or Psych Central websites.

I don't recommend waiting for others to befriend you and help or telling strangers your problems (I think you mentioned telling a new man your story). I don't think that will bring you peace. People are in their own minds with their own problems and needs. Empathy is a wonderful trait but not necessarily easy to find among strangers. If your friends and family aren't offering the support you'd like, take a step back and focus on you. As with anything in life, if what we already tried didn't work, then we need to try a new approach.

Hope this helps. You'll notice that I didn't say "poor you, your life will never be the same again" because thinking like that would only add to your pain. You are a strong woman. You made it this far. Where will you go from here? That is under your control. . Happiness begins with the Self. Other people cannot create happiness for us. Other people cannot delete your unhappy thoughts, right? We need to find happiness for ourselves first. Then we can share it with others. I wish you the very best as you move forward. Be well
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