*I see a psychiatrist at a day hospital, it's public*

A month ago I asked my psychiatrist to be referred to somewhere else because my depressive episode got so bad I couldn't stand the feeling that everybody hate me and I shouldn't be there, I must be an useful human being and it's seems I have no right to feel like this. I have been pretending to be OK because of these feelings

I didn't told him the reason why I said I wanted to see another psychiatrist in another place (he is the only psychiatrist that works there). Today he told me he had finished the discharge report draft and wanted me to read it before sending it.

Last week I started to take my AD again and finally could sleep after a month without being able to sleep more than 3 hours (my psychiatrist didn't know it either), I wasn't thinking clearly and I thought the best was to just dissappear... Now I wonder if these feelings could be changed and, maybe, there is no need to see another psychiatrist. Today I wrote a note telling him why I asked him to see someone else.

I feel I have wasted his time, since he had already finished the report draft... The idea of saying "Oh, maybe I was wrong" makes me really ashamed, I feel still more like a ****.

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-