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Old 01-26-2019, 10:04 AM
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Pfrog Pfrog is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: USA
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Unhappy Re: Complex PTSD & Connectedness ...

I keep having to remind myself that this probably has more to do with me and my issue (Complex PTSD) than it has to do with any of them (my supposed friends) and their issues ... But somehow, even knowing the difficulties I bring to the table when trying to connect with others, there is still a part of me that knows that I'm not totally responsible for the disconnectedness ... Yes, I know I can be too much - and I work diligently to hold back so as to not overwhelm.

I did try to express to one of the friends how I was feeling and all I got was an "I can see how you feel that way, but ..." (an excuse that kind of felt like they were trying to convince me that I was not seeing the situation as it really is) ... This has caused me to pull back and kind of introspect because I realize that it pulls threads (triggers) from my past and I don't want to mix that in with the here and now, however, I also know when something just doesn't feel real or genuine or sincere.

I guess the best thing I can do is to just let it all go with love, which I admit is kind of hard to do when you feel you haven't been treated right and are hurt because of it ... But, I keep telling myself that the feelings of rejection, loneliness and despair are nothing new to me - I've been dealing with being "alone" since the day I was born ... So, here we (me and my inner child) go again on our own and for some reason that makes a song by Whitesnake come to mind ... So perhaps I ought to adopt that as my theme song and just keep on keeping on knowing that I can handle being alone because it truly is all I've ever really known.

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Some things that get broken simply aren't able to be put back together again ... I've healed as well as I can,
but it's not lost on me how much was, is and shall remain broken; up until the day I leave this patch of dirt called earth.

-Pfrog

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