I dont think i feel like other people feel
Like i think normals seem to have there inner selfs pretty much intact

I feel like millions of droplets of water falling endlessly through space and time

Each unique, different, but part of one, each other, all reflecting individually what makes up a whole

I feel like i feel everything, all together at once
but also feel nothing at all

The confusion will keep me busy for ever as comprehending whats happening with me seems to be outside of my grasp..

I feel trapped, in a time bubble where time is still
i am exactly the same as the one before...
But i am completely different too
Extreme difficulty trying to build a timeline of life events...
Same difficulty trying to recall daily events...

Seemingly just floating through this chaotic torment,
But only as a bystander

the end of this i need desperately...
The pain grows stronger as my awareness of the lack of awareness grows...

I am scared ultimately, i believe...
I have no choice but to do everything im doing... tryingto do... but i truly am not strong enough

And i know i am heading for disaster... i cant do this, i want to hide and go away from people for ever
but i cant survive that either...

Its as if there are no choices, every action leads to a bad

And im nauseated and frozen mentally from being thrown over board..kicked from the birds nest...