Interesting post Yogurtssss. Thank you for sharing your truth here. Not everyone would admit to jealousy or acting "kinda like a bully" sometimes. I am impressed by your courage and honesty. I am so sorry that you feel like you hate yourself. That's a really deep and difficult feeling. And I think that's the piece you want to address when trying to stop the jealousy and comparing or "bullying." When you feel better about yourself, you won't resent other people's happiness. See what I mean?

Instead of hating yourself or looking at what you don't have compared to others, have you tried looking at what you do have? Your strengths. Things you like about yourself. Compliments you've received at any point. Good things you've done for others. They are there if you look for them. For example, based on your post, I would say you are self-reflective, deep, intelligent, brave, and strong. It wasn't easy to open up and share the way you did. That says a lot of good things about your character

The more you build up your self-esteem and take time to love and honor yourself, the less you'll notice yourself comparing to others. Have you ever tried talking to a psychologist? That really helped me to build my self-esteem.

The fact that you posted about this means you're aware of the problem and hopeful about fixing it (if you weren't hopeful you probably wouldn't have bothered) and that's a great foundation for progress.

Peace and positive energy to you