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Old 01-30-2019, 01:04 AM
pythocles pythocles is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: California
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Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: California
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Default Re: Wife depressed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211 View Post
Hello Pythocles. Thank you for sharing. I am sorry you and your wife are struggling. Would you be willing to fill in more info? When did this start? Was there a trigger? Such as a loss of job, loss of a friendship, illness, money worries, child moving away from home, new meds or discontinued meds, any painful or stressful life event? Does your wife work?

With regard to bed sores...re-positioning is really important. Does your wife continually move in bed...from one side to another etc? How often is she getting up? I assume she gets up to go to the bathroom, right? She's not living with chronic pain or a physical disability? Is your wife bathing, brushing her hair/teeth, changing her clothes? Getting chores done? Eating and drinking at regular intervals?

She may indeed be living with anhedonia...a symptom of depression. Though as MickeyCheeky pointed out, we cannot diagnose your wife. She needs to talk with a doctor. And as you pointed out, she needs to want to do that herself. There are some other options which may help. There are online doctors and phone lines your wife could contact from her bed. If she doesn't feel like getting up and going to a doctor's office.

have you tried talking with your wife about this yet? Try coming from a place of gentle care and concern. Something like: "Babe, I would like us to have a chat...can we check-in with each other? I noticed that you are spending more time in bed lately. You don't seem to be doing the things you used to love. I am worried about this change. And I want to help. Can you help me understand? please share from your point of view. I love you. You are my best friend in life and I want my best friend to be happy and well. I'm worried that my best friend is struggling and I'm not sure how to help."


Peace and healing energy to you and your wife

Thanks for your reply. It has been a gradual process of withdrawing ever since we got married (many years ago). We have three children. When they were at home and in school, she was very occupied with them and not much interested in a social life beyond the family, whether adults or children. Now, in their 30s, the two boys are grown and have lives of their own far away. Our youngest, a daughter, is living at home after having lived apart at various times during her studies. She is 29 years old and still embarking on her career. My wife's introverted behavior started to become more pronounced several years ago. She has never had a job and doesn't drive (refuses to get a license). My daughter and I do all the shopping and chores. My wife no longer shops, cooks, cleans, etc. for us. She does not have a disability. She is overweight and with all the inactivity very out of shape. But she takes care of her personal hygiene, makes her bed, does her laundry. She gets up to use the restroom and the kitchen, goes outside to smoke. But she has no interest in doing anything with me. Occasionally, my daughter gets her to go out, but they sometimes argue and afterwards my wife seems to regret having gone. As for anhedonia, I would say she gets little pleasure out of anything but reading, which she does incessantly. She is very intelligent, but also tends to fantasize and fabricate stories in communicating with others (usually they focus on how special she is and how much she knows about highly specialized subjects). I have tried talking to her many times about it, but she claims that she is not depressed, not even unhappy. She seems to think that my complaining about her reflects something wrong with me. I went to a therapist for several months, but she would not go. Mostly, she is quite passive-aggressive about the problem and most everything else that concerns our relationship. She ignores me and then acts as if she had done nothing. Which, though true, is very annoying.
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