Is the disconnect occurring due to the developmental stages of your children? If the children are excerting independence it may be tough for your husbands logical mind to sift through the emotional reaction of feeling rejected? Are you both in individual therapy? I would think that it might be beneficial for your husband to sort through the plethora of emotions that comes from child rearing. Maybe even help him sort through some of the disappointments if your husband had plans/hopes/dreams that don't match the reality of how life truly is?

I'm just tossing out a bunch of guessing as your OP is in the partners of those with a personality disorder.