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Skull&Crossbones
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Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 280
5 yr Member
Default Jan 31, 2019 at 12:17 AM
 
I just want to reiterate that what I experienced wasn't normal pain. It was a combination of a bacterial infection and possibly an allergic reaction. I had to change my entire lifestyle around my period, how I wash/dry my underwear, use steroid cream and antibiotics, etc. I have health anxiety as it is and any insertion at this point causes anxiety to even think about. Unfortunately, I did get something out of it if it didn't hurt and actually lasted more than a minute or two (very rare). Hell, I think anything more than a few seconds to 30 seconds was pretty uncommon.

And clitoral stimulation does nothing for me unless I'm doing it myself. I've never liked the idea of a guy performing oral but I put up with it hoping I would get something out of it eventually. Being touched otherwise makes me anxious because I sometimes get burning irritation from that and how would I know that wouldn't turn into finger penetration without warning? Even if I'm attracted to men, how could I ever trust one to not be as dangerously inept as my former partner? How would I trust that he wouldn't hurt me or shame me in some way since that's the norm?

Also, a lot of my attraction to men is from a male perspective. I'm not sure how to explain this to people who don't understand/recognize gender, nor do I want to get too explicit.

With women, I might be able to trust easier, but I think I might do better if I was solely the giver and maybe even just stay dressed so I'm not touched in a bad way or shamed about my body. It's too bad it has to be this way. If I had a body that worked properly, I would be interested in all kinds of things sexually.
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