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beauflow
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beauflow As usual... lost in the cosmic chaos
 
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Anywhere where I can grow
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Default Jan 31, 2019 at 08:58 PM
 
Thanks MickeyCheeky I hope others can find use in this, I do not want this to be a Beauflow check in...
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Thank you very much for your kind words, I wasn't in a great place earlier today.. I did make it threw the day.
At the moment I really dont want a cig, I am better off without - almost a 180 from earlier.. but I'll have moments to come, for sure.. today at work wasn't horrid..no cigs, and I even stepped outside with a friend who lit up, didn't want one but wanted to go outside.

I am grateful for people at work too.. jokes are good and support... even my manager joked around that they too wanted a cig and they do not smoke , when I was whining of wanting one ((or if they do -it's been very secret- very lol..I usually find the secret smokers because I am me and a wonder-er ... it's always by chance )).

I was thinking about what I wrote earlier
Quote:
As sad as that may seem to others I will... no one in flesh, has been such a great shoulder to cry on and help me keep my temper at times, or validate such strong (negative)beliefs when I felt I needed them to.
Addiction... and distortion, In that all.. and also I fail to give myself credit with what I would do during a cig time -especially when angry or almost rage... No doubt the cigs helped with chemicals in brain, the "magic it does" (sarcastic), but the thinking, planning, breaking down a problem and talking to myself about situation. Or in some cases, keepin my mouth shut and hands busy in rage ..
Any ways. My point- I was taking a break, the walk away/remove self from situation. , the deep inhaling of smoke is similar to deep breathing grounding... the breaking down, part of rationalization and sorting out.
The chemicals I may not be able to replicate but some aspects, I can without a cig.

Also, I forgot in that moment many who have or tried to reach out- I give no credit ... very tunnel vision.. apologies

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