I feel like none of us know how to break the cycle of dysfunction.

My mom was very controlling and I broke that cycle by going to the university that was the farthest away from home then joining the military only to marry a man who is also controlling like my mom to some extent. For all of us, the control feels anxious, defensive, and/or reactive.

Also, there is the issue of money. You know how emotional that can be. Whenever I work, I save nothing and give at least 50 percent of my earnings to our son, spend the rest on groceries while my husband is a supersaver (in his own account) and focussed on retirement (he is 62). Yes, separation is needed. I feel like I need to find a better paying job just so I can provide my son with a cash infusion big enough to allow him more seperation but hesitant because he has wasted so much money already.