Thread: Too Much?
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Anonymous40258
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Default Feb 02, 2019 at 11:08 AM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemo1934 View Post
I think I have too many memories and will be sent over the edge of I try to open up about them in therapy. Do you just force yourself to do it anyway? I feel as if I don't force it, it will never happen. There are moments when I feel I can confidently do it and others where I feel like running away and never going back. It seems like once the door is opened, it won't close if I change my mind. It feels like a surrender of control and I've spent a lot of years mastering how to keep things under control so I can function in my life. The idea of allowing someone else to enter that internal world is almost traumatic in and of itself. I think I'm in a safe environment until my defensive mind comes in and convinces me otherwise. This lack of consistency in my thoughts is tormenting.
I think discussing trauma is a very sensitive doorway for many. The ability to do this is the ability to heal oneself. Re-traumatiziation is a possible risk. If one allows the past to hold them back from living a full and complete life, there is another risk present. Living with trauma in your past is sensitive information that can easily get distorted and magnified if not dealt with. Trauma is best resolved if understood before forgotten. Yes, "just get it over with", is one possible solution.

Details of a story are not as important as the lesson. Understanding how not to blame yourself and how to avoid this danger in the future is easier and safer when speaking with someone who is non-bias and is detached from emotion- caused by trauma.

So, to answer your original question. I’d say a subtle no. No, don’t allow a force to determine your goals, assuming you've set goals for yourself. But allow yourself to bring forth the force from within. Sorry to be dorky. Pushing yourself into an uncomfortable experience is work and is also a healthy goal. I know I’ve said trauma is best dealt with quickly, but that needs to be the choice of the victim. Utilizing a natural path of guidance, safety, comfort and support is ideal. Work yourself away from victim-hood and away from past instances of fear, anger, violence, and sadness.

I think your natural feeling to find a comfortable environment to explore your past is the first step to surrendering control. Find ways to ease your burden. In doing this, you may also find that your trauma may not be as heavy as it seems. Also, who you let in is another thought to consider. Are you more critical then they would be? Have you been objective in recalling the facts and your feelings? I think being defensive is okay, and finding a way to balance this and externalize your internal world will help to alleviate unnecessary pressure.
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Thanks for this!
eskielover