Based on my own therapy experience & learning I found out that I didn't have the skills needed to process what was going on so pushing it under cover to function was the coping skill I developed. I also developed a confrontational skill when I got fed up & that didn't work well either.

My therapy taught me skills needed to really handle things like that in my life while at the same time (like in a court case) that was the discovery phase. Things flooded at times & trickled into my awareness at others. Therapy was the time to talk about these things. Some was validating what happened other times it was about why my perception was what it was which was not always accurate. It did open the doors while at the same time processing the memories which didn't usually come in order of when they happened.

When we got most of the things out & processed then my T helped me through the "integration" process (not a DID thing). This worked through why I have reacted now based on what I went through then to understand my NOW self better & to help me REFRAME my now thinking based on what I now know rather than on what I knew then.

Now I go to therapy to discuss what is going on in my life & some of the concerns that creep in from past experiences, determine if they are valid concerns & work through how best to handle them. She is the best therapist I have ever had & at 65 years old it feels like I actually am living the life that was missing the first 54 years of my life.

When I first started in this therapy group my first T confided in me when she retired thst she thought I had built such thick walls she would never get through to me but with the 2 intense years of DBT added in, those walls were shattered & that person hiding behind it all was able to safely emerge.

Sometimes it feels like too much & nightmares happened (always trying to fight to get awsy from parents or H.....the physical fight was my subconscious way of fighting to get away emotionally) Those nightmares have gone away mostly though once in awhile they sneek back in when something stressful has to be dealt with.

There is healing through therapy. It does take lots of work on our part....nothing ever just magically happens....but it definitely is possible. Keep up your hope & keep working toward that healing goal