Okay so I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I means I do but then again i dont. It feels like I can’t trust anyone and I don’t want to tbh. So Idek why I’m posting this maybe I want my feelings to feel valid like maybe someone else gets it. I feel overly sensitive bc in college I had the most female friends I’ve ever had in life. I went to an all girls high school and was a loner. College I decided to give females a shot. When I met the girls there were already red flags I decided to ignore which I have a habit of doing. I have a habit of seeing the best Ik ppl even when it’s not there. And to make a long story short a lot of the girls took my kindness for weakness and when I wld confront them or speak up they were shocked bc they thought I was an imbecile or something. They tried to jump me they set me up to be sexually assaulted basically and just too much. I was always a loner in grade and high school. I thought college wld be different. Also I was always bullied by other girls in school and I had no idea you cld be an adult and get bullied. Anyways fast forward to 2018 I went through the darkest depression and I isolated myself from my whole college. And ended up leaving the school. Then the crazy part is my oldest sister who’s ten years older than me turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath. Who basically love bombed me into staying with her only to beat me up with her words and use me for her own monetary benefit. Smh. I have a best friend but it’s like I have trust issues and I’m withdrawing from her. It seems so petty to be mad but I kind of feel like she isn’t really a great friend like she says bc she never visited me at her college but I visited her. And then I spent ton of money on her for her birthdays but I didn’t get anything and I know you shldnt give to get back but I do value reciprocation! I like to get back the same I put in. It’s like when she was lonely and hurting that’s when she needed me but now that she has a car and a great job she doesn’t need me anymore. And honestly I don’t have the energy for this anymore. I don’t have the energy to make friendships work. Bc no matter if you tell someone you’re wounded they don’t gaf they’re only looking for what they can get out of you. I don’t think everyone is like this I just don’t have the energy to wear my heart on my sleeve and let ppl in and then theyhurte so badly again. I do believe I have trust issues but I really don’t want friends anymore. I’m fine being alone. Sometimes I get those days I wish I cld have a good friendship but then I don’t care anymore.