I spend too much of my life living in the past. Things in the present remind of 20 things bad things in the past. It’s painful. It's not fun. It's like being stuck in a bog that keeps getting deeper.

A few weeks back I showed my wife a text from a female friend, I'm male, that simply read, "I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow." Seemed innocous enough, right? Wrong. She tore at my support structure, questions some of my beliefs, and criticized some of my actions. Every tear, question or critism that she had done in the past, came flooding back. My pain multpied on top of multiplication. I hurt.

I spend a week in fear and anxiety. Each day, hurt a little bit more. By end of the week, I was talking finalistic about she and me. It's been years since I felt that way. Just goes to show how chronic fear and anxiety suck.

We eventually came to an understanding that she’s the only one I wanted and most of my support structure is women since that's what comes to the depression support groups I go to.

Then, the other day I got a card from a female friend in appreciation for the work I do in the support group I attend. I was touched. I wanted to show my wife. The pain of a few weeks ago and along with every other time she had hurt me in someway, came rushing back.

Remember I said I spend too much time in the past? This was a case and point. I tried to figure a way out of my prison. And then, in one of those moments, a thought popped into my head:

One way to change the past is to change the present.

I thought about I could change the present. When I got home, this what I said to my wife:

Sometimes I doubt myself and the job I do. A little bit of acknowledgment and recognition helps. I got this touching card tonight.

She read it, and warmly accepted it. That was in stark contrast to what had happen just a few weeks back.

By saying what I said, I told her were I was at, the importance of the card, and it was about me, not her. By changing the present, I had changed the past. I left the past behind, where it belong. Leaving the past behind worked. Some might call that mindfulness, I'm fine with that. I call it my first of hopefully may victories over the past.

Going forward, I will try to live with this thought in mind:

One way to change the past is to change the present.

The past is a tricky beast and I’m sure the past will get one up on be sometime, again. Now I have a new tool to minimize the power the past has over me.