First please forgive me for my poor English since it is not my native language.
So, My parents fights a lot. But they are not like fights that normal parents would have, and it had begun since i was only 4 or 5. My mom would yell at my dad for almost everything if she is not in a good mood, and it did not take a long time until i found out that she just hates my dad. When my mom starts that yelling, she does not even care if i were there or not. Most of the time, my dad would not talk back because i think he doesn’t want to scare me, but if he could not stand it he would still yell back though. I could still recall one of the most terrifying fight they had, i was there hugging my mom trying to calm her down and obviously it didn’t work. This fight lasted for like 3 hours in the midnight, and i could barely fall asleep that night after they were done fighting.
Basically there will be no physical fight between them, but there were few times that my mom would throw things to my dad.
I tried to stop them when i was young, even though it failed every time, i never gave up trying. It’s like having a bomb at home waiting to explode, and this scared the hell out of me. And now, to be honest, i am just tired of having to stop them.
So I tried to be a cold person so that i don’t have to feel that fear every time my mom is yelling. But it always end up me being cold to my friends and i would still be terrified when she is again being unreasonable.
Besides, not only will i feel fear, i will also be very angry
sometimes, and when that happens, i would feel this urge to throw things to the floor,
I am not trying to talk to my mom about this because it will not work anyway. What i am trying to find is is there any way that i could lessen my fear or angry towards their fights? I am afraid that one day i might actually do something that would hurt her.