Just checking in. I wish that I had more people in real life to discuss this stuff with... there's really just my therapist, but I hate to spend the money for a session to just blab about neurofeedback.

I've tried the first two test protocols that my trainer provided (for 15 minutes each, since he thinks my strong reactions may be due to overtraining).

First was A3-A1. For most people, this is supposed to add energy and alertness, and help with deep sleep. Sounds fantastic, but didn't work for me. I felt a bit depressed (and still kind of sick after), and a little depressed the next day.

Second, yesterday, was C4-A2 - which he described as focusing. It didn't feel focusing to me, but wow! I was sooooooo relaxed after. Maybe too relaxed. I laid down in my bed and just sort of drifted in amazement, loving how soft the bed was, how cuddly the blanket was, and just feeling kind of good.

Since a previous protocol left me feeling really bad, I thought that I should try to say something, to make sure I was still able to construct sentences - I thought about it, then thought, "well, the sentences in my head all sound fine, I'm sure I *could* say something, if I wanted to, but speaking feels like too much work."

This felt good, but I don't know if it's really actually great, since I spend too much time in delta, apparently, being very non-productive. I also turned on Netflix while relaxing, and noticed that the camera shots - like changing from one focused on one character to another, felt really fast and jarring (it was a show that I've watched a lot of, and it's never bothered me before). That didn't last long, and it didn't really upset/bother me, just noticed it and thought it was weird.

Sadly, the good feelings didn't last too long... I got a call from my brother, who's an addict, that was pretty upsetting (he had OD'ed and had to be brought back with Narcan) - so that sort of killed all the good feelings and snapped my brain back to the present.

Also, ended up not sleeping well, but I think that I ate something from a salad bar for dinner that upset my stomach, so I'm not blaming the neurofeedback at all. But, it was a bummer, because I'm back to being super tired, unfocused, and feeling half asleep today. I think it's a good reminder, b/c it's easy to forget the feelings (for me), so it's nice to have a comparison of "this is how I used to feel ALL the time".

One more test protocol to go in the next couple of days, and another check in on Friday with my trainer. I think I may ask about going back to the first protocol (C4-A1) and trying that for just 15 minutes, since it had some good effects.

I'm so curious to see what he says, as this was supposed to help him understand better what my brain needs. I also wonder/worry a little - like how it is that I'm having such crazy strong reactions, if it's just the novelty (i.e. if I run the same protocol, will my brain react less?) , stuff like that.

But overall, still finding it really interesting.