I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, redCanine3669 Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn some new coping skills to deal with these feelings you have. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. I know it's not easy. I know things seem pretty bad right now, but trust me when I say that things can get better. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. We're here for you. We'll liste to what you have to say. We care about you. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you