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hEALerCOol
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Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: kvn
Posts: 13
5 yr Member
Default Feb 05, 2019 at 01:25 AM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Just a little insight from someone who fought.....

I grew up with dysfunctional parents I fought with constantly & they verbally fought between themselves too. I went to college thinking my parents problem was lack of education.

While getting my degree I met a guy who was getting his degree & seemed intelligent. We SEEMED to get along ok then got married. My patience were already on overload from living with my parents for 21 years. Turned out after marriage my H just continued to push what little tolerance I had left. We fought from day one of marriage. Yes I saw some red flags right before the wedding & was going to call it off but I rationalized to myself that with his degree he couldn't possibly be like my dad.

We had 1 daughter & I know our fighting has something to do with her unsuccessful relationships too. I finally left the marriage after 33 years of fighting & for the first time in my life I have actually had a peace surround me & I no longer fight. I will stand up for myself but I do not have the constant stress causing environment around me & I have finally learned skills in communicating that I never learned growing up.

Basically my point is that my fighting was between me & my parents to start with then it was only between me & my H. Our daughter was no part of why we were fighting. She would just go up to her room & turn on her TV or turn up her music. She learned to distsnce herself from our fighting when it happened when she was around. She has learned to fight also when it becomes necessary.

No fighting is not what a marriage should be like & sometimes people get married who shouldn't have. Sometimes when a child comes into the picture some parents feel they will get a divorce after the child grows up....only problem with that is that the child loses out either way. They either have to cope with fighting or cope with patents getting divorced. Either way the child is effected negatively.

Best thing you can do is distance yourself. The fighting is between them & there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to change that so just stay away when fighting starts.

The problem is that usually when fighting gets to that point the love & respect a good marriage relationship is based on is usually gone. It would take excellent marriage counselling to even sort through the real cause let alone the work to repair the relationship assuming it was ever good in the first place. Divorce is the usual outcome when they have both had enough. It is all between them. Staying out of it completely is your best choice.
Thanks a lot for your advices, and actually I know distance myself from them is the best option when they are having a normal fight. But I can’t just go outside every time this happens, I mean it happens like up to 5 or even more times a day, and it does not last long, probably takes only like 3 minutes. The problem is whenever she starts yelling, i will feel angry and fear at the same time and i can’t just go outside every time that happens since those fights are very small and short. But it could still scare the hell out of me even it’s very small.
Still thanks for giving those advices, it means a lot
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Thanks for this!
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