Hi!

Pfrog already beat me to it - I recommend that book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" (Pete Walker)

I also recommend, "Trauma and Recovery" (Judith Herman)

Judith Herman has been widely regarded as the first to acknowledge the existence of Complex PTSD and lay the foundation for what little is known. Her book is as amazing as Pete Walker's book.

In terms of your NOT having access to treatment, it may be a blessing in disguise. While therapy can be effective for many people, it is not always helpful for those of us with Complex PTSD. Retraumatization is a real risk and unfortunately modern-day therapists are not trained well enough in Complex PTSD as it still hasn't been widely accepted by the healthcare community. Apparently there are a variety of reasons why (including that including complex PTSD in the DSM would rid of nearly half of the diagnosis's, and thus cause severe issues for the Pharmaceutical companies).

For example: Why diagnose someone with Complex PTSD (the root of the problem) when they can diagnose someone with ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Clinical Depression - and make money off prescribing drugs.

Anyway,

Healing comes down to balance.

Acceptance that you have PTSD (which is physical brain damage), goes a long ways in allowing yourself the room for good and bad days. Some days our body is riddled with physiological symptoms, other days we are able to carry on with life as though nothing happened at all. We may go months without a problem only to be surprised by something we did not identify as a trigger. The frustration with having both good and bad days and desperately wanting good can get us down; the importance is that we can accept that this is part of us now. Those who heal find a way to harness the trauma and use it to make the world a better place in whatever small way(s) they can. Advocacy is one method of healing. As is volunteering. Spreading awareness and finding purpose in the trauma - that it is NOT for nothing. Use it to change things and prevent it from happening to others. THAT is the key to healing, but first you need to focus on building inner safety and resiliency before you can help others. You must help yourself before you can help others, right?

Sorry for the ramble,

All the best,

Thanks,
HD7970ghz