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Old 02-05-2019, 09:15 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2015
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Default Re: How do you forgive yourself?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Well... I don't know... self-forgiveness isn't something I have a lot of experience with. In my case, I have a whole ocean liner's worth of things I could use some self-forgiveness for. But I'm not even sure what self-forgiveness actually even entails. I understand the concept of self-forgiveness on a theoretical level I think. But I don't believe I actually know what it entails in terms of the nuts-&-bolts, as the saying goes. Consequently what I strive for in my life is simple acceptance. I did what I did. I can't change any of it, & there's nothing I can do about any of it, so it just is what it is. As a result I simply strive to accept all of it with as much lovingkindness & compassion as I can muster. The practice of compassionate abiding is important to me in that respect.

I do agree with you that just popping back into your friend's life to apologize may not be the best idea. I suppose if it went well it might make you feel better. But it might or might not do something similar for your friend. It could well raise a bunch of issues for her she neither wants nor needs to be dealing with... possibly for you too. I think you mentioned you & your friend have some friends in common. And so it may come to pass that, sooner or later, you & your friend may run across one another. If so then that may create an opportunity to re-visit what occurred. (I doubt it was all just you anyway. It takes two to tango, as the saying goes.)

Here are links to 5 articles, from PC's archives, that offer suggestions for dealing with guilt & forgiving oneself, the first by DocJohn:

5 Tips for Dealing with Guilt

Can You Forgive Yourself?

Let Go of Regrets and Learn to Forgive Yourself

How Do You Forgive Yourself?

How to Forgive Yourself and Why It's Important

What you said there is really great and it's something I have to keep in my mind. The past is the past and I can't change things. I really think that it's best if I not pop back into my ex's life. She's probably doing quite well on her own. I don't want to mess that up by bringing up old feelings. I don't think that'd be good for any of us. I will try my best to be compassionate to myself and to understand that I'm not a bad person for what I did. Thanks a lot!

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedHaldol View Post
I need to forgive myself for actions and thoughts I had when I was sick. I know that that was not the real me, but they haunt me still. I try affirmations and know logically that I should not feel guilt/shame but it is hard.
You're right, it is very hard. I've had this guilt for almost 5 years now. I feel better on some days but other days I feel worse. I think I will get better in time. Affirmations are a good idea. I want to get into the habit of using those. Thanks a lot!
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