I'm so sorry, starryprince I think the key is to just remember that you didn't have any intention to hurt her in the first place. From what you wrote, it sounds like you just didn't know how to handle the situation well. No one is perfect, so don't be so hard on yourself. You've tried, you've made some mistakes, and that's ok. It could have been a lot worse, after all. And you know better, now. In the end, the biggest mistake was probably just going away without telling anything. It's understandable you'd feel guilty, but I don't think it was that bad. Not to mention that time has passed and that she has probably moved on already. I'd suggest to do the same. Mistakes can happen, but we can learn from them as well. You can't change your past, but you can change your future, so try to focus on that as much as you can. Take all the time you need. Take baby steps. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you