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beauflow
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beauflow As usual... lost in the cosmic chaos
 
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Anywhere where I can grow
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Default Feb 06, 2019 at 11:33 PM
 
Day 19, going to day 20.

I have to say that I am feeling like I may be able to do this.
While I still have a vape, I do not constantly vape as if switching to one method to another.

I am annoyed though with two stinging comments:
On day 13 a neighbor, that I do not really know, made the comment they had been 2 months not smoking a cig, they have been vaping instead.
I congratulated them and said way to go. While I was walking away, I did mention some thing like "hopefully I can make it to two months, I am almost at two weeks of not smoking a cig"... and this guy actually said- "Well I'd be more proud of you if you actually stopped smoking".

Day 18 - milestone day in the past for me- I stepped outside after a stressful call at work, and I took two puffs of the vape and was about to head back inside when a co-worker finishing their smoke had the nerve to tell me that I had not quit cigs and that in her mind the vape was the exact same thing as what she had in her hand.

While I could understand this- IF One was using the 12mg, and they were vaping like a train all the time; but for one to use it to eventually quit - while not smoking cigs, and using a low dose- I just am baffled --- I really was upset with this, so upset it bleed into even today. THis woman has seen me struggle with this addiction, and while I understand she has her own along with other evident issues- she just is so invalidating while pretending to be a friend... and it upsets me. Needless to say, I have been stayig away from her. She is unaware of the damaging and hurtful things she says and does it appears.

I keep having this thought pop in my head- the commercial that I hear does not say "Cigarettes lead to vaping for young adults" -- it's that young adults that vape, a year later they are more likely to smoke cigarettes leading the path of addiction.
IDK if I can find that commercial but here is a CDC website that has
Quote:
Young people who use e-cigarettes may be more likely to smoke cigarettes in the future.
Quick Facts on the Risks of E-cigarettes for Kids, Teens, and Young Adults

I am thankful for the few other coworkers that have been encouraging me, and reminding me to forget people like the above- that I am doing what I need to do for me.

I have been a little annoying lately, (as in loud and obnoxious and a little, not ok for everyone to be around me) but one coworker friend had been really helpful with just going with the flow with me, some times reminding me to simmer down a little.

I have had some hostile thoughts in my head the last few weeks, agitation, depressive thoughts-- etc.. Which I understand my own struggles, along with others that are cruel just touch a bit more.. but really, F- them

Things I have noticed -
I seem to breather bigger breaths
My bowls seem to be doing better, I have had a lot issues due to stress and other things with my "tum tum ".. which one issue I was told by the general doc, smoking again was not helping the issue.
I breath and smell things more (which for some things that is shame- ha).
Some days - I seem to get up earlier ((but I still struggle some days, but it will be ok)).
I think I may taste better but I am not sure on that..

At any rate, checking in- One day at a time...

Any one else that is quitting, thinking to quit, struggling to stay quit- I hope you the best as well.

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"A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." Charles Lamb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da7StUzVh3s
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