Hello akelawolf: This appears to be your first thread here on PC. So welcome to Psych Central.

We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't tell you what's going on with you. In order to get a diagnosis you'd need to see a mental health professional. To me, though, what you described sounds like anxiety perhaps rooted in the loss of your father two years ago. Some of the symptoms you describe sound similar to what is called a "panic attack".

It's also possible I suppose that, were you to see a mental health professional, they might diagnose your condition as being Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). But regardless, you're not going mad. You simply have some mental health concerns that need attention. Making arrangements to see a counselor or mental health therapist may be a good way to begin the healing process.

One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Anxiety, Panic & Phobias forum. Here's a link to that one just in case you haven't already found it:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/anxi...c-and-phobias/

And then here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that discuss the experience of panic attacks & how to cope with them plus an article that describes PTSD:

Tips to Cope with a Panic Attack

What You Need To Know About Panic Attacks | Cultivating Contentment & Happiness

Living with Panic Attacks

How to Halt and Minimize Panic Attacks

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/ptsd/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.