I am working with a new T, we are on session 5. Other T’s in the past have suggested I might be DID but no one ever did anything more than mention it. Last session I remember T saying something about the look on my face and then I get all cloudy and broken up memory. Then he was quietly doing gaze. I don’t know how long we were doing it but I got really uncomfortable as soon as I caught it and I looked away. He moved on like nothing happened. Now I don’t know what to do. This week has been harder with a ton more anxiety than usual and other symptoms going haywire. Do I ask T what happened? Do I let him bring it up? I feel so bad for T. When I asked to work with him I explained I had been in therapy before but still had things that were not where I wanted them to be. I thought that with all the counseling in my past this should be pretty easy... but it is like I never accomplished anything in all those other years (which may be entirely possible). But I feel like hitting him with DID is unfair? Like I should have warned him? But I don’t know if a part came out or not and I don’t know his experience with DID. He lists trauma as one of the things he works with but it is not like he specializes in it yet alone DID. If he was doing gaze with a little he can’t be totally clueless right? I am not even sure if I am or ever was DID because the other Ts that mentioned it had other motives and ultimately were unethical with me. I know there are a few other things he has noticed but not “called me out on” yet and I am not sure why. If he doesn’t think I am ready or thinks I don’t know. I don’t want this to be added to that small herd of elephants standing in the corner.
T is really good with me and I trust him SO much even though it has been a short time. I have wondered a lot this past two weeks about if he would have been able to reach me as a kid had I been sent to him. I was so scared that anyone who tried to help ended up giving up. I don’t thing he would give up on someone who was hurting though. I just don’t think he could.