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Old 02-08-2019, 05:57 AM
Ines123 Ines123 is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: Cork
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Ines123 Ines123 is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: Cork
Posts: 1

Trig Harming myself or the baby

I've always been an extremely independent person. Always could do anything and everything by myself. I've never harmed myself or anybody close to me or even an animal. I've always been happy with my life,I love dogs,videogames,been in quite a few relationships etc etc
Well my life changed when I gave birth. She was 10 days late, I was in labour and pain for 4 days and then in the delivery room for 16 hours. She just didn't want to come out. As soon as she did and I held her on me..i never felt anything..like that is some stranger that is now MY RESPONSIBILITY? Our parents live very far so I had help for the first few months..but now,she is almost 6 months old,my husband works all day and we are alone..she is gorgeous and looks just like me. Smart big baby. And I believe I will ruin her life. I am such a bad mom. I yell at her cause I don't know what she wants, sometimes she cries for no reason at all,sometimes doesn't want to sleep but sleepy af,sometimes doesn't want to eat other times she eats or sleeps too much..there is no pattern..there is no logic in this..
I really feel like some day I'm gonna loose control and hit her instead of the couch when I get angry..Then I'm just gonna kill myself cause I couldn't forgive myself if I do anything bad to her..my temper gets the best of me..
I want my old childless life back so bad!!! I wanna turn time so she disappears..she is beautiful and sweet and all but who is this child,i don't feel like she's mine..i don't want this responsibility..
I din't know what to do anymore.
My husband says it will all pass. My mum says a lot of ppl have it way worse then us and why am i complaining..
Sometimes I really feel i should kill myself to prove a point. I don't want to be some baby's maid and that is literally how I feel.

Last edited by Anonymous59786; 02-08-2019 at 10:23 AM. Reason: added trigger
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