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amandalouise
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Default Feb 08, 2019 at 12:29 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Omers View Post
I am working with a new T, we are on session 5. Other T’s in the past have suggested I might be DID but no one ever did anything more than mention it. Last session I remember T saying something about the look on my face and then I get all cloudy and broken up memory. Then he was quietly doing gaze. I don’t know how long we were doing it but I got really uncomfortable as soon as I caught it and I looked away. He moved on like nothing happened. Now I don’t know what to do. This week has been harder with a ton more anxiety than usual and other symptoms going haywire. Do I ask T what happened? Do I let him bring it up? I feel so bad for T. When I asked to work with him I explained I had been in therapy before but still had things that were not where I wanted them to be. I thought that with all the counseling in my past this should be pretty easy... but it is like I never accomplished anything in all those other years (which may be entirely possible). But I feel like hitting him with DID is unfair? Like I should have warned him? But I don’t know if a part came out or not and I don’t know his experience with DID. He lists trauma as one of the things he works with but it is not like he specializes in it yet alone DID. If he was doing gaze with a little he can’t be totally clueless right? I am not even sure if I am or ever was DID because the other Ts that mentioned it had other motives and ultimately were unethical with me. I know there are a few other things he has noticed but not “called me out on” yet and I am not sure why. If he doesn’t think I am ready or thinks I don’t know. I don’t want this to be added to that small herd of elephants standing in the corner.
T is really good with me and I trust him SO much even though it has been a short time. I have wondered a lot this past two weeks about if he would have been able to reach me as a kid had I been sent to him. I was so scared that anyone who tried to help ended up giving up. I don’t thing he would give up on someone who was hurting though. I just don’t think he could.
first thing that jumped out at me was that you and the therapist had a bit of time where you and the therapist was quiet, and the therapist was looking at you (your word gaze) and when you noticed it made you uncomfortable. this is normal.

I have had many therapists in my life where we have had quiet moments where the therapist was just sitting their waiting and looking at me. when I asked one of my therapists about this they told me this happening is not a mental disorder thing. its a normal therapy thing where there is quiet moments in therapy where sometimes the therapist and client are quietly thinking and waiting. sometimes therapists use these moments to notice whether a person has good hygiene, is sitting calmly, whether silences make them uncomfortable or whether they are content with their own thoughts and quiet, whether they have certain body language/ habits and mannerisms. whether they are aware of their surroundings (noticing pictures, decorations, carpeting/flooring) my point these silences tell therapists many things about their clients that most do not even realize. some therapy offices even have video equipment in the lobbies to document how a client is in the lobbies vs how they are in the therapy sessions. (not to mention camera's and other security devices in lobbies ensures clients are safe in a day where some mental disorders can cause someone to act out violently or some stranger coming in off the street violently acting out)

my suggestion is if the silent moments caused you to be uncomfortable let your treatment providers know about it. they will explain to you why they were looking at you and why they were sitting quietly during your session.

as for why your therapist hasnt "called you out" for dissociative behaviors. they dont usually do that. in the words of my treatment providers they spend time documenting behaviors from the first session. these are called part of the session notes. they compare these things from session to session. example if you didnt show any dissociative symptoms during your first session when first sessions are usually very stressful and triggering just meeting a new therapist but then in session 3 or 4 start showing dissociative symptoms when things are quiet and calm, that raises some questions that a therapist may have to think about and evaluate and discuss with their staff meetings, why is this person suddenly showing this or that symptom....

there is also diagnostic questions that are thrown in to normal therapy sessions. you dont realize they are checking out your responses, body language, tone of voice, attitudes and so on when they ask seemingly normal questions. example if you are answering questions this way but showing that instead it can raise flags and questions that need to be checked out before they confront someone on their behaviors during therapy.

I have even had therapists who was a parent and did what parents do... choose their battles by ignoring negative behaviors and give attention to the positive attention getting ways. the idea behind this therapy approach is that instead of acting out the client looks for ways to be independent and look for positive solutions to their problems instead of acting out to get others to confront them about their negative behaviors. this works with any kind of mental disorder including dissociative.

my suggestion if you are having a problem with the fact that you are showing your therapist certain symptoms and behaviors either consciously or while dissociated talk with your treatment provider. they will explain why they havent confronted you about it (your word called you out about it).
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