I'm so sorry you're struggling, gemini0421 Please don't hurt yourself. You have so much ore to give to this world. I understand your frustration and confusion. It's never easy to deal with this kind of stuff. You're definitely not alone in this. I agree with Monticello. Perhaps you could try couple counselling if your partner is willing to. That's just my opinion though. The final decision is up to you. You don't have to stay with this guy if you don't want. Take all the time you need. Take baby steps. Most importantly, stay safe and take care of yourself. Try to eat something if you can. Is there anyone IRL that you can reach out to? Any friends or family? I'm so sorry, please don't give up. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. We'll listen to what you have to say. We care about you. Keep writing here if it helps. If you're feeling suicidal, call an hotline or go to an hospital. Your safety must be the priority. Please don't hurt yourself. You're a wonderful person and your life is valuable. Don't throw it all away. Take yourself some time before doing anything. Take a day, an hour, a week. Whathever you need to help you feel better. Try to find some distractions. Do you have any hobbies? What do you like to do in your free time? Anything that could help you distract you for a short while. Maybe try reading some books or watching some movies. Anything that could help you. Stay safe and take care of yourself. I'm so sorry, I wish I've had more advice to give to you. I know things seem pretty bad right now, but trust me when I say that they can get better. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. I'm here for you as well if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this