I’m glad these were helpful.

I like this:

“In fact, recognizing my need for autonomy has measurably improved my ability to enjoy all of my relationships, helping me to realize that when I have a negative reaction that seems out of proportion it often means I'm feeling a compromised sense of autonomy. Identifying the cause of that then usually helps to prevent me from saying or doing something needlessly damaging. For once I recognize I'm actually reacting to a diminished sense of autonomy I'm able to realize that my reaction is my problem, not someone else's. ”

This is what often was the lead-in to many a therapy session. Something happened and I was reacting way out of the realm of proportion to the event (sometimes seriously small things), and I would have to figure out what the heck was setting me off, and realize I had choices about how to react; I was flying off the handle instead of generally several other options. Usually this led to a discussion of why I was responding with such intensity; it was almost never about the actual situation and almost always about some kind of triggered reaction to old self-talk and mistaken beliefs that were butting in. When I could acknowledge that old stuff was really the issue, then I could choose pretty easily to stop being bent out of shape about the current issue (which really wasn’t much of an issue to start with; I had just reacted automatically that way). I could then address the old issue as needed and eventually those old issues became less of a trigger once I realized they were even there. So many of my reactions used to be automatic, triggered, impulsive responses. Still happens, but I’d say I’ve reduced those kinds of out-of-proportion reactions by a fairly large percentage, and when they do happen, I know how to work through them more quickly and more effectively.

I had started to post about autonomy on the power thread because I thought it was related but was unable to, so I started this thread as a way of expressing how, for me, regaining my power was about my personal autonomy, and feeling powerless is generally a reaction to somehow not honoring, holding, and utilizing my personal power of autonomy.