I find this pings with me as reactions out of proportion to the situation are more easily identifiable to me than they used to be. Perhaps one of the most helpful therapeutic concepts I've learned is that my reaction can both be about the situation (perhaps a person who states something in an inelegant or otherwise troubling way) but also that my internal response reacts to it more strongly than warranted. Both/and.

Maybe there's a part of autonomy that is about paradox. I used to think it was about independence, and I value my independence so strongly I didn't think I would ever be able to share or create a home with a partner, much less parent a child. Even now, I think a long distance relationship might suit me. And I used to think autonomy was more about a kind of kick-*** relationship with other people and the world, warrior like, telling people to go f-off or otherwise drawing huge lines, or building walls between me and others, a psychological "stay off my lawn" approach.

But now for me autonomy isn't really much about other people at all, it is internal, at least for the most part, even when it includes saying no directly to others. It's about making sense of what I'm trying to go for in my life and trying to live up to my intensions and goals. Whether it's in the moment or a more distant response to the choices I have, I'm inching a little closer. Most difficult situations are less of a "fight" and a more say my piece, walk away after listening.