View Single Post
Old 02-10-2019, 10:05 AM  
Newly Joined
BH7236 has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 2
Default Constantly feeling bored, empty and afraid of missing something about life

Sanity Score: 51

General Coping: 25
Life Events: 44
Depression: 50
Mania & Bipolar Disorder: 25
Technology Issues: 25
Obsessions & Compulsions: 31
Borderline Traits: 33

Sorry for my English, it's my second language.

So... What about me? Well, I'd say that I experience a major issue about being constantly bored about everything. When I like new things, I'll be fully into it and then after one year or two, I'll get bored.

Then, the other major issue I experience is that I feel like there is a lack of meaning in what I do of my life.

Finally, then other major issue I experience is that I feel like life is too short, days are too short. There are too many things I'd like to do and I end up being overwhelmed by all the things I wish I had time to do. Because of that, I either don't sleep enough or I'm unhappy that I couldn't achieve what I wanted.

More details about my life. Well, actually, I have nothing to complain about it and that's already a problem. I have a wealthy 9-to-5 job with 5 weeks of vacation. The job is not that much stressful in my opinion. I'm the only one putting stress on myself actually. The colleagues are great. I laugh a lot when I'm at work. I have a girlfriend who loves me so much and I do love her a lot also. I don't have kids yet, so I don't have that stress in my life yet.

But then, what? I feel like the job is not meaningful. You know, working in a office? Where people can be stressed out by "business issues"? I mean, nobody is gonna die if you are late or if you do a mistake. The only meaning of that job is that we are small parts of a whole that allows us all to have a job and money to live. Sure, we are working on something that has a meaning somewhere at the end, but to me I'm too far from that meaning. I mean, it's not like being a firefighter, a physician, a teacher, a social worker, a touristic guide or anything like that where the job you are doing has a direct feedback from how you are acting in a person's life. But I'm not a people-person. Well, I haven't worked on those kinds of people-skills. I'm good on one-on-one, that's about it. And I already have a wealthy career (even though I'm still not sure of my career path, I'm 30 and I've had some oscillating career path I would say).

So, that was for the issue about the job. But that's not the only thing in life. What do I do of my evenings and weekends? Well, there are simply too many things I want to do, but since I'm the kind of person who only likes to be very intense in doing one thing, I cannot do them all. In my 20s, I used to go a lot to the gym, I mean, 8 hours a week. I've done that for about 7 years maybe, with some up & down (less or none when I had a girlfriend, then more and highly intense when I was single). I was very proud of it and it's good for health and self-esteem. But... 8 hours? Do I really need 8 hours of gym to be healthy? No. It's because I like to be intense and see noticeable changes. And then, what's the meaning of all this, what am I trying to prove? I was mostly doing it for the comments from the people, not for my health. Then I stopped and now it's been about 3 years with simply 0, nothing, nada, no gym, no sport at all. I've lost most of the gains I had and I hate that. I just feel like in a few years I wasted many years of effort. But I cannot do 8 hours weekly of each of the top 5 things I want to do. And as I said, I cannot get to balance my activities to do only a bit of each them. Because when you do only "a bit", it takes much more time to notice the effects of your efforts.

Yup, that's my other issue. Time. It's everyone's main issue, I know. But yet, maybe not... Some people say that if I was rich and didn't have to work, I'd get bored. Well, guess what? Nope, definitely not! Because I could take the time to do all the activities I want to do without worrying about the job and the other responsabilities. I'd travel all around the world. I'd live 2 years in each country of the world, learn their language, their culture, their history, I'd meet people from all around the world. I'd take classes of everything - dancing, cooking, languages, art, science, sports, and much more! I'd get back to the university! Universities from all around the world! And guess what? I'd still think that I don't have enough time.

Last thing, I need intensity, I need adrenaline rush. That's why I cannot do "a bit" of everything. Let's say I want to learn a language. I don't want to do 2 hours a week and be fluent in 2 year. No, I want full immersion for 3 months with intense classes and that would mean I'd be fluent in 4 languages after a year. That's what I call accomplishment! I also like adrenaline. I did skydiving, bungee, I own a motorcycle. Yeah, skydiving, I can solo jump and there's no better feeling in the world. The adrenaline rush, the panoramic view of the landscape from 15 000 ft. Wow. I also like to ressource myself by traveling and going to see huge landscapes from the top of a mountain where I suddenly feel like I'm alone in the world and so little but as if I was suddenly free and all that landscape was mine. I also like huge gigantic buildings. Anyways, I'm getting out of subject, but maybe it'll help you understand me.

Oh, I said I like intensity and I'm easily bored. Well, guess what, let's talk about sex. Yup, first months with a new girlfriend are wonderful. But then, well, after some time, I just don't feel the need for sex anymore. I could be a few weeks without sex, I wouldn't mind. And don't get me wrong, I wouldn't ever cheat on my girlfriend because of that. It's simply a sad truth.

All that also sums up to a feeling of being "too conscious". Feels like I always think too much, ask myself too many questions. That's why I'm bored (I always need new experiences), that's why I need adrenaline, that's why I need escape. It's the only ways for me to stop thinking and there are too few things that can help be escape from my mind. I do take alcohol and do drugs to escape a bit, but I don't abuse. I guess it's the only good side of being "too conscious"; I'm aware that alcohol and drugs are not a solution. But the bad side of being "too conscious" is that I don't enjoy experiences that I've already had, I just do some things because it's the right thing to do or because it's what the society would expect, but in reality I don't feel it. But I hate doing what the society expects us to do, but being an outlier is not easy either, so I have to keep a good balance between my own integrity of what I really want to do and some things that I have to do for the social status and well-being.

Also, a bit more about me again. I really like to meet new people. I'm not someone who talks much simply because I don't have that spontaneity. But I'm definitly not timid. I'm not good at keeping friends because I just don't take news from them. I don't have friends because the only friends I would have would be those who we call "best friends" and to me finding a good match for a "best friend" is as hard as finding a good match for a girlfriend / life partner. Though, I go and see all the people who invites me in parties because they consider me as a friend. I don't see my family simply because I don't feel close to them. There is no particular reason for that. I mean, we do choose our friends, so if I don't feel like my family would be a good match as friends, why would I see them "just because it's family"? (There, that's an example of behaviour that shocks the society [the people around me])

Anyways, I guess I forgot so many things I wanted to say but I also wrote so much...

Answer whatever you want. I like people who are direct to the goal and aren't scared to say what they think. I take critics and comments very well and I'm very open-minded.

Well. Thanks for reading, at least.
BH7236 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from: