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sarahsweets
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Default Feb 13, 2019 at 05:03 AM
 
I have three kids- 22 year old son, 18 year old and 15 year old daughter. They all have adhd. Son has depression, 15 year old depression and anxiety. 18 year old has bipolar, addition, attention seeking behaviors and all sorts of other issues. The 18 year old is currently in a sober home. This is what she did: She turned 18 in March and left us a note on the table that she left. She went to a girls apartment who was like 20 or 21 and she moved in. She stopped her medication.The girls mother was a crazy as she was and it was a party house. We tried to get her back. We took the car and phone away. I went to the school. She didnt graduate in June and missed her prom. It was awful. Just having to live without knowing- waiting for things to fall apart. She showed back up on Mother's day. The party friend kicked her out, she had been on the streets for a day. We got her inpatient- then rehab- recovery housing and now her second sober home. Its like relearning who she is. We missed some warning signs.

She always wanted the attention and was perfectly happy if it was negative. She was the one in and out of hospitals. She would say and do things to get there and then hate being there and beg to come home. We ended up giving her the most attention. We are a very close family and all my kids are close to us but she was never happy with equal attention. I believe she checked out of our family a full year before all this happened based on what she shares now. Drugs and alcohol all that time and I never knew. I am ab alcoholic in recovery and you would think I would know and I didnt.
What we learned through this year: We should have been more firm with her. We should have called ever bluff and not let her run the house. We were able to let go of her monopolizing our minds and time and focus on our other kids once we accepted that she was going to do what she wanted anyway. We realized that we provided her with near constant mental health and medical support for years and she still had this scenario. We did the same with the other two and they are wonderful and doing great.
We now have to accept the "adult" daughter who makes mistakes. She works at a convienence store and has to pay weekly rent. She thinks 120$ a week is so tough- has very little money all the time yet we could never allow her to move home again.

I just cant put up with the chaos. I let go last March and I know its a wound that will take years to heal. I dont really know this new sober girl very well.

My long winded-all over the place share is that its important for you to provide the help but disengage from the chaos. She says she is going to kill herself or hurt herself or others? Get her to crisis and have her admittted. Call her bluff everytime. Do not fall into the desperation parenting trying to figure out what is real and what she does or doesnt have. Just take her at her word. Every single time. She will keep getting admitted. She will tire of it I promise. The more matter of fact you are and the less facilities are able to put up with her nonsense. She will be put into a place that she doesnt have power and control in and will sing a different tune I promise.
Do not give her the power. She should not be able to hijack your emotions, time, peace and family. I know this was long and a little all over but I wanted to share what I experienced in case it helps. Stay strong.

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