Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: New York
Posts: 307
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Feb 13, 2019 at 12:39 PM
Possible trigger:
at 12:00pm I released after trying to privately communicate with some woman on some online therapy website. I only sent her one message: "thank you for receiving me, young ma'am." I'm proud that the conversation didn't get any further than that, as I was thinking very sexually.
I'm a bit ashamed of myself for privately messaging her. Since I don't privately message men, why do I privately message women? And I only have an urge to privately communicate when I'm sexually excited. That could be gender discrimination and sexual harassment, as I'm targetting a gender when I'm feeling sexual. Maybe there are some societies of men that think that such discrimination and harassment is okay, but their approval doesn't mean that I should do it: I know a lot of other men who've been snared and imprisoned for such discrimination and harassment.
Public communication is safer than private communication, for my sexual health; as I've been told that privacy worsens it. I try communicating with women in public online environments, but they don't really respond to me, even when I'm not communicating in a sexual way. Some people don't communicate with me because of my mental illness, gender, sexuality, religion, hair, skin color, race, age, economy, and height.
By communicating with women who don't respond to me, I feel like an outcast; and this negative feeling gives me social anxiety and affects my social health. I don't have any positive community to counter that negativity, because generally nobody really communicates with me, even some for the same discriminant reasons.
There are many reasons why I think I collapsed today. I don't think I released yesterday, where I feel that daily release could improve my sexual health. I didn't read sexual harassment articles, last weekend, where those articles remind me of the consequences of poor sexual health. I didn't review my sexual health journal where I remind myself of past sexual events.
I'm thinking of releasing without external resources, 4 times a week. This will train and adapt me to handling my urges without relying on women. This will also help me manage my sexuality in a timely manner.
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