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Old 02-14-2019, 06:10 AM
Topiarysurvivor Topiarysurvivor is offline
Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 446
Topiarysurvivor Topiarysurvivor is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 446

5 yr Member
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Default Re: Sexual relationship with T

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway View Post
Thank you for posting this warning. We don't have enough of those warnings, so they are always needed.

Unfortunately, as you said, people usually don't heed it.

The fantasy of having a sexual relationship with one's therapist is one thing, but when it turns into reality that's a completely different story. Some people believe that the actual sexual engagement with the therapist would make everything better, because it'd be more "honest" than just to suffer an unrequited love, and while I am not someone who sees transference as a healthy thing, I know that turning transference fantasies into reality would harm you even more than tolerating the humiliating experience of your feelings not being returned. I don't know this from my own experience since I never had a sexual relationship with any of my therapists, but I've heard countless stories of people who have had that experience. None of those stories had a happy ending. NONE.

What I'd like everyone who entertains such fantasies to know is that before you decide to act them out remember that in case of a break up (which will come inevitably) you won't be able to deal with the ending the same way people deal with it in regular relationships.

In other relationships, when people date and break up, it starts differently and it ends differently. It starts on the equal footing right away and when things go wrong, people may get hurt, but they don't have the same sense of betrayal you will have if your sexual partner is your former therapist. The trauma you will go through when the relationship ends (which, trust me, it will) will be unparalleled to any other break ups. And, as others said, no one will be there for you. Our society is not evolved enough to understand that kind of trauma and to give you the support you need and our justice system is not equipped to deal with those cases.

Again, this was not my experience, but I've dealt with this issue for about 7 years now listening to people's stories, reading what is available on the subject, talking to those who have been trying to raise awareness about sexual abuse in therapy and writing about it on my blog as well. With all that, I feel like I understand the issue pretty well.
Thank you - perfectly said. And I don't think I would have listened. I thought I was different. If you had told me how far down I could go, I don't think I would have believed you. I had already survived an abusive marriage and come out strong. I thought I was strong enough to handle any feelings or complications.
But let's keep trying to put the message out there.
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