T Monday. Spent first 5 minutes ranting about the winter weather that had closed schools that day. Me: "OK, think I just needed to get that out!"

I said I'd felt OK about things since Thursday's session. Me: "But I guess you assumed that because you hadn't heard from me." T: "Actually, I wasn't sure. I thought maybe you just didn't want to email." Me: "Ah OK. No, I do feel OK about what we talked about in session." T smiled: "Good." Me: "And I don't really feel the need to see the consulting T again." T: "Are you worried about hurting my feelings?" Me: "Uh...no...I just don't feel the need to see her again for now. Like I think I got what I needed and feel OK about things here for now." T: "OK, just making sure." Me: "I mean, maybe I'd want to see her again in the future? But not right now."

I said how part of it was that I realized talking to her felt more like talking to a friend in some ways, maybe because she was laughing so much? Me: "Or maybe because she's only 2 years older than me? But then you're only 7 years older, so..." I said how a someone had said maybe the friend thing could be good vs. authority figure. T: "It would be a different dynamic. What do you think?" Me: "I don't know. I could see that point. But really, I think what would be better would be to figure out how not to see you as so much of an authority figure. OK, what would really be good is to change how I think about authority figures in general." T pointed at me (one of his things): "Now you're talking." Me: "Yeah. Because I'm going to keep encountering them in life."

This led to a bit of discussion about PC. I mentioned how I hadn't shared Thursday's session until that morning. T: "Wow, that's a change." Me: "Yeah, I think I wanted to be sure about how I felt about it before sharing it." T: "How did that go?" Me: "I think it helped." We discussed how my sharing stuff about session more quickly, before I'd had time to process, could be problematic with me. Because if I wasn't sure how I felt, then I might be swayed by what other people said. T said waiting could help me better use the "LT filter." Where I'd be filtering what other people said through my own feelings. Which could help me be less affected by others' thoughts. We then talked about how PC as a whole, like a consensus of people's opinions, could almost be like an authority figure. He talked some about "group think," but I forget what all he said. So I think I'm going to wait more to post sessions.

Also talked very briefly about how I feel some friends could be like authority figures to me, specifically mentioning the person I considered my best friend in high school and in my 20s. He found that interesting. I said I needed to think more about what made someone an authority figure in my mind. Me: "That might be a good thing for me to kind of explore the week you're away..." T agreed.

Somehow we ended up talking about email. I said how my intention was to not email him while he's away (next week, like this Saturday to next Sunday). He reiterated that it was fine to email him then. I said I knew I was at a certain level of emails, so I imagined he'd charge me if I emailed then. T said I was approaching that point, that maybe he would charge if I emailed that week (not because he's away, but because of the amount I've emailed in past month or so). But how if I waited a couple weeks, could all reset.

I asked for more specifics. He said again how he hadn't really gone into this email policy in this detail with anyone, so he hadn't thought it through on that level. Me: "I guess I'm the only client who has asked for this much detail?" T: "Well, I have some clients who don't email at all. And those that do tend to fall into two categories. Some would an email that obviously requires a longer response, so it would be obvious that I'd charge for that. (he generally charges for replies taking longer than 15 minutes). And then there are some who just send me a shorter email occasionally, like once a month, so those I wouldn't charge. But you're kind of a mix of all three." Me: "Oh, OK. So I'm the confusing one, then!" (or something like that.) I forget what he said to that.

At some point we also discussed coping mechanisms, how some can be good in moderation, but then too much can be bad. He gave example of alcohol (which is one of mine). I said how emailing him could maybe be the same way. He gave me a look like "Yep, you're getting it!" I talked about maybe creating an actual list of coping mechanisms I could use, things to try if I'm struggling. He said it's a good idea, that it can be hard to think of them in the moment. And that's part of why he gave me that COPE inventory a few weeks ago, that maybe I could use that as a starting point for a list, then add other stuff to it that's not on there.

Also talked briefly about if I were to see one of his backup T's next week when he's away, would they expect me to be in crisis? And be like, "What is she doing here?" if it's just that I'm having a really rough week. T said at this point, he's let them know I might contact them, and it's fine if I see them if I'm just having a rough week, that it doesn't have to get to crisis level. I said my intention was to not use them unless things are going really bad.

Confirmed time for Friday (he asked if I could come an hour earlier than scheduled) and scheduled for week he comes back. I said I was having some doubts about seeing him Friday, which is the day before he goes out of town. Me: "I'm just worried that if we have some kind of conflict...I mean, I certainly wouldn't want to email you the night before you go out of town." T: "I could still respond to you then." Me: "But yeah, I'd feel bad. Do you still have anything Thursday?" T told me the couple times he had available and said to just text him if I wanted to change. Which I did, switching to this afternoon. It's also in part that I'm going to a concert tonight and will be home late, and he'd asked me to switch to 10:30 a.m. So this sort of makes sense on a couple levels, and I just keep having this nagging bad feeling about seeing him Friday (thanks, OCD and anxiety!)--so I feel that could have affected my session.

Felt like it was a productive session, with the authority figure discussion. No tears on my part. Anyway, when we parted ways, shook hands as he said "Good luck out there." Me: "Thanks, you too." T: "And good luck on getting that third thing done." (I'd told him at start of session that I'd had 3 work things due that day and had already turned in 2--I was impressed he remembered that at the end.) Me: "Thanks!"