I was diagnosed with DID when I was in my early 50’s. I had managed to hold down two jobs and raise my son as a single mom up until that point. It was all smooth sailing. I had bouts of depression, thoughts of suicide, lost days, and behavior that made me think I was going insane. It was very difficult wrapping my head around the reality of my condition. But over time and therapy I was able to see us as we were. I was able to understand some of the things that we did. I was able to realize we were not insane. As time went on some of us joined with others so now there are not as many individual selves as when first diagnosed. The diagnosis was important because it enable me to accept our reality. It also helped some of us to be acknowledged and embraced. It made way for some of us to talk out loud. We were already spilling out and that is one of the reasons we sought therapy. But now with acknowledgement we were able to express ourselves and understand what was happening.
At some point when we were young we decided to be the family we wish we had. We talked to each other and respected each other even if we didn’t always agree. There were some of us who acted out and did things that frightened others. But for the most part we looked after each other. And the ones who were in the world fit in and were able to provide for us. Those of us who weren’t in the world helped by having a good system and tried to work together.
Now a decade or so later I have come to realize that DID is not so uncommon. It seems to be a natural way of humans managing to navigate the world. When people say “I wasn’t in the right frame of mind” or “I have to put my game face on” they are acknowledging the existence of another aspect of their selves. An aspect that they are aware exists within their being. An aspect that has been created by them to deal with specific events in their lives. But for those of us who have suffered trauma, particularly at a young age, we have taken this ability to it’s extreme. Maybe it’s because we were at a stage in our development where our mind was playable. Therefore, enabling us to create a few to hundreds of aspects of our selves. Each having been created to help us with a specific event that we found difficult or fighting. One of the most helpful and insightful description of my alters was that I had created them to help me. They are helpers. That was their original purpose for being. So the angry one who was capable of physically protecting when we were little is often out of place in our adult world. Where physically harming someone is not the best way of solving a problem. Our present world is grown up and requires different skills to manage. Still I am thankful and grateful for the presence of my protector. We have talked about it and agree that physical altercations should be a last resort if at all.
Something else I have realized is how DID presents in people with other mental health conditions. Someone I know has been diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder. They hear voices outside their head and have several fixed beliefs about having special powers. What complicates their diagnosis is the presences of multiple voices in their head. When my friend described the voices in his head I realized he was describing what I was experiencing through DID. And I can understand how a small child would be frightened by hearing voices outside their head, and having delusional thoughts that may be scary. Than creating parts that would keep them safe. Thus the voices in their head. I had never thought of DID being the by product of another mental health condition until now. In some ways this realization complicates diagnosis. But equally this realization creates a multilayered understanding of how the mind builds on its self particularly in early development. How the mind will compensate for mental qualities lost due to a mental health condition.