Thread: LT's thread
View Single Post
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
 
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,735 (SuperPoster!)
9
74.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Feb 14, 2019 at 04:18 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
I share Kit's perspective that it's great you found it helpful to share your sessions on here. I'm also glad that consulting with the other T was good for you.

I love Xynesthesia's question, if you feel like answering it. I run towards the side of irreverent when dealing with people in authority, and some who have tried to assert it over me when I was younger and less experienced in my field used to tell me I wasn't "deferential" enough. I approach medical people as those with "authority" in the knowledge sense-- I'm doing some physical therapy on my hand right now, and the young young therapist cracks me up and I'll follow her advice.

I don't really have a boss unless you consider the people I work with my bosses on gigs, which isn't really accurate. If I am in a courtroom the judge is an actual authority figure, in the sense that you have to do what he says. And he has the power to throw people in jail for defying him.

But even when I was doing my graduate thesis, I didn't relate to my grad advisor-- now a confidante and friend in my life-- as an authority. He was objectively wise about certain things and gave great feedback; technically he controlled whether or not I'd receive a degree but that didn't create a power imbalance. Maybe with my early history with abuse-of-power male authority figures, working with reasonable people and developing positive relationships was easy.

It is interesting to me where seeing someone as an authority figure comes from, and whether it's connected to your personal sense and zone of power. Not trying to pressure you to reply, just stating my interest in the subject area.

Funny, I replied including the term "deferential" before seeing your reply. I find this authority figure conversation rather fascinating. I'm going to have to think about it more (it was one of my plans during T's break). I think for me it's somehow tied into my wanting to please people. Like T talked about last session how it seems I seek praise from people I see as authority figures. I said partly that, but also how rejection or...lack of approval? affected me even more, but maybe those are kind of the same. He said it made sense that the latter bothered me more. I think it was partly that I found, say, doing well in school (which I was good at) got me approval and praise. So I got used to getting that, then if I didn't do well at something in school, college, or, later, work, it was really hard for me. It ties into my perfectionism in some ways, too. And fear of rejection and abandonment. Etc.
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote