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Anonymous57363
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Default Feb 15, 2019 at 10:50 AM
 
Oh Seeker! What a scary recurring thought for you. I'm no expert but it sounds like a manifestation of severe anxiety. Possibly even a form of phobia. Here's something that popped into my head when I read your post. Back when I did therapy, I had a psychologist who was talking to me about my own anxiety. I was worried a lot about the future at that time. Anyway, she mentioned a different client of hers who had a recurring fear that she would hurt a child. The client was a woman...apparently a decent person with zero desire to hurt anyone least of all children. But she was having to go to therapy because the fear almost became obsessive. Now unfortunately I can't share a therapy idea for dealing with it because my psychologist never brought up that client again or her strategies. But, I mention here because I feel quite sure that an experienced therapist could help you manage your fear of going to prison. Are you currently in therapy? have you mentioned that fear?

I don't want you to have any more ruined sunsets!!! I love to watch the sunset! In the meantime, how about this...next time you are enjoying a moment and the prison fear pops into your head trying saying to yourself out loud: "Well there goes my amygdala again...throwing out some odd anxiety...it's okay amygdala...focus on the moment...all is well...nobody is going to prison right now...so let's just take slow and deep breaths here...you and me amygdala...we are a team and we are okay!" I would suggest a combination of mindfulness and meditation. I have even used meditation when I have suicidal ideation without a plan or some sort of intense anxiety. It really helps. YouTube. 'Guided Meditation for panic' or 'guided meditation for fear of losing control'

I read that announcing an unpleasant feeling out loud can help to reduce it. Such as "I feel panic right now because I am scared I could go to prison." Try saying it out loud...see what happens. Then you can add "I know I am not going to prison so the panic will pass when it's ready to."

I hope this helps. You deserve peace!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by seeker33 View Post
As some of you may have noticed, I have some pretty weird thoughts and beliefs.

One of them is a fear of going to jail for murder which I didn't commit. I've had this since I was a kid and watched a movie about a judicial error. They sentenced an innocent person. Since then, I get this thought from time to time that it's surely going to happen to me, Not always, but from time to time.
It happens especially when I feel good and enjoy for example a beautiful sunset. Then a thought will come "enjoy this while you can, because you won't see this in jail:"Then it spoils my whole experience and I get anxious.
Or tonight I began thinking how poor inmates aren't allowed to commit suicide and how would I kill myself in jail. And I made a plan that if my attempt is not successful I would take it to court and I would try to legally force them to allow me to commit suicide because I would claim it's my human right and if they won't allow it it would be considered torture.

Don't worry, I'm not suicidal at the moment at all. I'm perfectly safe. I'm just thinking that if I ever really go to prison I would DEFINITELY want to end it. Because being forced to live in jail is the absolute form of loss of control and vulnerability. That's what scares me the most! There's nothing I'm more scared of than the loss of control.
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MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, seeker33