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Ididitmyway
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Member Since: Jul 2011
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Default Feb 15, 2019 at 11:32 AM
 
Oh gosh, yes, absolutely. It was so hard to decide who to talk to.

Mostly, it was because I knew what someone would say. In the first case when the abuse was "only" emotional, no formal lines were crossed, I knew that anyone I would talk to would just tell me to get the heck out of there and to find a new therapist. As many therapy clients know, this is easier said than done. When I was finally "terminated" I contacted APA of which my T was a member and they just told me to file a compliant with the board if I felt his behavior was improper. I didn't do it because I didn't have any evidence of what went on, and, even at that time, with all my ignorance, I knew that even if I had evidence, most likely no one would find him guilty of anything. That was back in 2003. I don't know if TELL existed at that time and it didn't occur to me back then to do an online search. I wouldn't even know which search words to use because the terms like "therapy abuse", "unethical therapist" weren't even on my mind at that time.

The second time when the formal ethics were breached it was even more difficult to decide who to talk to. I tried to see several therapists about this. I could see clearly that they were all uncomfortable with my situation and, specifically, with the fact that I was seeing my T outside of the office and that they had no interest in helping me work through it.

At some point, my ex-T and I went to a "couple's counseling" with one guy from the psychoanlytic center I got my training from. I wish I'd never gone to that meeting. The guy interpreted the situation by giving an analogy of a brother and a sister (me being a "sister" and my ex-T a "brother") where the "sister" loves the "brother" so much that it's almost incestuous. Then the "brother" gets engaged and later married and the "sister" is left to accept the reality. I could not believe what I was hearing. I could only stare at that psycho thinking WTF??!!! WTF WAS THAT ABOUT?! This was so crazy that I didn't even want to analyze what he was trying to convey.

Then there was another "couple's counselor" who immediately made me a focus of "investigation". He was not interested in understanding why my T did what he did, let alone condemning his actions. What he wanted to get to was the "source" of my anger towards my T. My T's behavior apparently was not a problem, but my anger about it was!

But I had a couple of good experiences, very brief though.

The last "couple's counselor" was a woman, who, at some point, worked with me and my husband in couples therapy. She put the blame right where it belonged immediately. My T sat their embarrassed, with the red face, which, I admit, I enjoyed watching.

Then there was a very old guy, a psychoanalyst from the same center, whom I saw individually. That meeting was very empowering for me. He didn't, actually, put much emphasis on my T's behavior though he clearly acknowledged that the T's behavior was unethical. But, instead of spending much time validating my anger, he simply said that I could decide if I want to keep the relationship with him going or not. Such simple observation opened my eyes to the reality that I do have the power to make a choice here, that that power is in my hands and I could use it if I want to. That snapped me out of the victim mentality in an instant and it felt very liberating.

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