Hello Emma345,

I am so sorry you feel badly about yourself I've been there!!

First, I respectfully discourage you from making your current goal to attract a man. If you feel so badly about yourself, your top goal needs to be to work on your relationship with yourself. If you haven't yet done that, one of two things could happen. You could attract the wrong type of man...someone who enjoys belittling or dominating a woman with low self-esteem. Or you could meet a wonderful man and be unable to form a close and healthy attachment with him because you have not yet learned to love yourself. I say this without judgment, but care and regard And I speak from my own past mistakes!

Self-esteem, in my view, is truly believing and trusting in the Self. To believe that no matter what happens in life, the Self will deal with things as needed. Belief in one's own inner power and also recognizing the beauty in that.

Self-confidence is a little different in my impression. I've known a few friends who could benefit from a boost to their self-confidence but their self-esteem is relatively intact. Though self-esteem and self-confidence are obviously not completely separate.

What you are describing, based on your self-perceptions, is a significant self-esteem issue. And there is plenty that can be done about that so don't feel badly or lose hope I think talking to an experienced therapist would be a great place to start.

I should also say that I was not trying to suggest that you shouldn't ever seek a partner in your life. I just think that you first need to build a solid partnership with your Self before looking to partner with another person.

I can help you get started:

Emma, you opened up and shared your truth on PC. That shows that you are BRAVE and STRONG. You clearly identified a problem you are having. That shows GREAT SELF-AWARENESS. You weren't sure how to deal with that problem so you reached out to others for ideas. That shows GREAT PROBLEM-SOLVING ability. These wonderful traits you have are a great foundation for progress...YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK! Keep going!

Practical tip: start doing things on your own. At your own comfort level. Go out for lunch on your own. Wander through a book store on your own...approach the sales associate and ask some Qs about an area of literature you're interested in. Gradually up the ante. I went on vacation on my own and it was one of the most empowering things I've ever done. If that sounds wild or scary to you...think about day to day things which you avoid or feel uncomfortable doing alone and try to incrementally face them at a pace which is comfortable to you. You can slowly teach yourself that your Self is wonderful.

I wish you peace and a bright future