ETA: this is in response to SarahSweets who I forgot to quote:

Do you understand PTSD? Do you have it? I don't want to assume but I feel like there is just a fundamental misunderstanding here.

Topiary said "I have fears about the safety too- but realized I am feeling past the point that someone’s failure to understand could retraumatize - I think!" I am personally not past that point as I have only recently admitted I have been traumatized, as indicated by my recent join date compared to others here. Others' "failure to understand" is retraumatizing for me. Hence I do not want to put my stories or even my current issues with my therapist up for public debate on a forum. How can you not understand how people coldly, intellectually debating the issues "around" your personal trauma is not potentially damaging, if not always so?

Some of the “hedging” replies here talking about being adults, consent, “capacity” to see abuse is happening and capacity to stop it (etc) agitated/aggravated my PTSD symptoms surrounding my adult sexual abuse, and my PTSD is new to me so I have not learned to properly control it. This is unsafe because triggers can compound and then I lose a day or two to panic attacks and re-experiencing if it is bad enough. Some time ago when I first started trauma therapy I was severely triggered into an episode and lost maybe 2 months of my life in a complete meltdown.

This is what I mean by I don’t feel safe. It’s not about hurt feelings or "different of opinion" as if we are discussing something like tax brackets or who is going to win the Superbowl. We are talking about traumas and I have a trauma disorder that means I am unstable, especially unstable because I am currently processing trauma in therapy, and if I am reminded of the shame and self-blame I feel for letting this sexual abuse and exploitation happen to me as an adult with the ability to consent, who consented to abuse again and again, then I really start to panic and feel like dying because I think, This wouldn't happen to everyone, just you, you're weak, you're stupid, others who were stronger and smarter than you could have handled this or escaped this, but not you. It's not really rational but that's what happens. Here are some of the comments that made me feel this way:

"I think "being lured into..." already implies that it was something negative and the person did not have the capacity to realistically assess the costs and benefits. ... I did not dismiss that many people do not have that capacity (although I don't personally like to emphasize that very much as it sounds a bit degrading) or meant to suggest that the experience and truth of many people who suffered due to the structure of therapy and T exploitation is not very real. I also did not say that I do not understand - I think this is pretty easy to understand even without first hand experience and vulnerability. I only posted to say that it does not apply to every single person/client..."

"What one may see as manipulating another may not...if both are adults and consent to going forward."

"I also think people get traumatized by different things and also react differently what is indeed traumatic to them."

"Then again i also don't think therapy equals power imbalance. So that's fine and understandable that some see it that way or feel it but I know I'm not alone in this. It truly does come down to each person ... Everyone will experience things differently."

"I never said anything about supporting therapist client sex, unless its was years after therapy and it was consentual.

I have found plenty of research as well that says there is no imbalance and clients have more power than they often think. I have heard of therapists who say that too. It's just how you view it.

Yes, its awful what happened to you and anyone else who was traumatized or abused but it doesnt mean it happens to everyone. It doesn't mean there is always that imbalance. Every case is different. It CAN exist for some, but it doesn't always exist.

It also isn't a fantasy, the reality is, it's two humans. Some see one are more powerful, others see them more as an equal. I don't think therapists are powerful, authority figures or anything, just average people who went to school for something in this industry. Ya they have ethics and standards... but the client is also their employer basically, the client can fire them... the client can say no to things they don't wanna talk about, they client can report them if need be, the client can write crap reviews about them...... there is a lot of power clients have to, to me it's equal. not an imbalance but its ok for others to see it differently"

"An individual expressing a personal opinion, no matter what the interest she has in the subject matter, does not invalidate anyone's experience or change the truth as anyone sees fit to see it. This just seems like disagreement to me, and anyone who insists that someone else must change their mind to conform to what you believe is just a dominance and power move in and of itself. If people choose to run away from a thread or shut down because someone disagrees with them (as opposed to putting the individual on ignore and choosing not to read), that's on them. Trying to shame and guilt-trip people into changing their mind is just another form of emotional manipulation."

"I don't see ideas and opinions as dangerous or harmful to people, particularly when they are expressed about the person's own experience and not a generality or a commentary about someone else's, regardless of the content. I'm just not interested in catering to demands from superior-believing other people on a public board who insist that there is only one "right" way. I've seen no evidence that any particular individuals have greater insight into someone else's pain or are otherwise more enlightened in the human condition than others. "

"No one is saying those trite victim-blaming statements you claim here and I refuse to accept any responsibility for your projections or difficulty with reading comprehension or both. If it's harmful to you to read certain comments, the ignore button is available to you."

I even said "unintentionally invalidate" to avoid saying someone was intentionally hurting someone. apparently that is not enough here. You must agree that words never invalidate, ever, because opinions are all just opinions. And debating the circumstances that led to someone's trauma and whether that trauma would happen to them or any random person--and whether that means that these relationships are okay for some--all this is triggering for some people who have been sexually exploited in imbalanced power relationships, and of course there will always be triggers in the sense that FLASHBACKS are brought on by sensory details no one can control, but there are also some things that are not hard to predict will be triggering of trauma disorders.

No i don't want to talk about my rapes here. Jesus christ this place is a mess.