Thank you Marylin,it has been a while since I posted.My husband died from heart failure.He was 70,& yes he had been sick for several months but refused to get medical help.I was with him when he had the heart attack & holding his hand when he passed.We kept him on life support for 10 days.When I saw there was no hope we gave him up.I spent 10 days & 8 nights in ICU with him,Also had a sister with cancer there & a brother with gall bladder infection.All 3 at the same hospital at the same time.The ordeal left me weak & my BP is high also have Afib.Then after his funeral i had to go back to take care of my 96 yr old mom.My life is hectic,I dont eat right,no rest I even sleep in my clothes in the recliner.Its winter I am cold and miserable.I miss my husband,even if i have family around me.I think about death a lot & have panic attacks once in a while, which make my BP go up.Sorry for the long post but I just need someone to talk to tonight.I really feel beaten,the last 2 months have been the worst time of my life.