To make a long back story short. I recently found out my mom was a narcissist. It’s only been four months. It took me to live with my malignant sister to figure out what a narcissist was. I found it out through my bf and doing more research.

So I’ve only been with my mom for two months so far. I left in July because she was being abusive but I never knew why til four months ago. She love bombed me in December. Which is why I came back. PLUS I FAILED AT BEING AN INDEPENDENT ADULT. And i know a lorn of resources say they love. Recently Ive been studying triangulation and narcissists. My mom tends to triangulate between me and my sister since we are very close. Lately iveI’ve been telling her in a calm way to talk to Her her self. Bc I saw that that could help end the triangulation but it wld make my mom the narc mad. Which I began to see did. Because she kept trying to provoke arguments for the last three days. So I guess Tuesday she decided to hide her old phone and record my sister and I discussing her. It made her livid. She basically heard me call her a narcissist and then threw in my face that my other sister who’s a malignant narcissist was right about me. She tried to hit my wounds but it did not work. Because I had been watching so many videos. But today we had a meeting with my Pastor who’s not a licensed counselor. During this meeting my mom played the victim role. When he did try to make her accountable for her actions she started getting mad so he then did what she wanted him to which was blame me. She basically manipulated him into saying I was the one starting confusion and drama in the house WHEN SHE RECORDED US. I blew up and I know that was a bad look bc this one lady on YouTube said that’s what the narcissist wants you to do. And it was true! My mom got so calm afterwards. When I started to get mad and raised my voice she got so calm and made herself cry and played the victim role. My Pastor basically treated me like a child and said that I need to stop yelling. As when I told him I wasn’t coming anymore he said I had to and we are getting better.

I know you’re probably wondering why I am still at home. Believe me I TRIED TO LEAVE. I went to college only to find out it wasn’t for me. I attempted suicide there and then I dropped out. Then I went to stay with my mom but I found out later while I was in the behavioral health hospital being treating for depression and suicide my narcissistic mother and eldest sister were calling me stupid and weak minded. While in my face pretending like they cared. Soon after I left home and went to stay with my grandmother who’s my dad’s mom. She was very sweet and loving. I never felt that much love in my entire life. You may be wondering how I left well my malignant narcissist sister made her paranoid about me being there. She knows my grandmother has paranoid schizophrenia. And she basically scared her into thinking my mom was going to attack her. All so I cld live with her my malignant narcissist sister. Only to have me end right back where I started. Which is with my mom. I feel like I should have stayed in school but at my college I was sexually assaulted and bullied. No one in my family cared and supported me. And I’m not even sure if I want to go back to college if I do it’ll be online. But my pastor said I shouldn’t do that. And that there’s gonna be assault and bullies everywhere. But that’s not the only reason I wanna finish school online. It’s also because I want to get my own apartment away from my mom and be able to work and do school. I don’t think he understands that. We’re not rich so I’ve been trying to apply to low interest housing and I’m looking for jobs now. I really wanna get out of here. To be honest. I don’t want to commit suicide but mostly I do. I’m suicidal every day and it seems like the only way out for me. Help me someone