As some of you may have noticed, I have some pretty weird thoughts and beliefs.

One of them is a fear of going to jail for murder which I didn't commit. I've had this since I was a kid and watched a movie about a judicial error. They sentenced an innocent person. Since then, I get this thought from time to time that it's surely going to happen to me, Not always, but from time to time.
It happens especially when I feel good and enjoy for example a beautiful sunset. Then a thought will come "enjoy this while you can, because you won't see this in jail:"Then it spoils my whole experience and I get anxious.
Or tonight I began thinking how poor inmates aren't allowed to commit suicide and how would I kill myself in jail. And I made a plan that if my attempt is not successful I would take it to court and I would try to legally force them to allow me to commit suicide because I would claim it's my human right and if they won't allow it it would be considered torture.

Don't worry, I'm not suicidal at the moment at all. I'm perfectly safe. I'm just thinking that if I ever really go to prison I would DEFINITELY want to end it. Because being forced to live in jail is the absolute form of loss of control and vulnerability. That's what scares me the most! There's nothing I'm more scared of than the loss of control.