i can't tell tbh. i have tried to explain to her about all the stuff she's done to me and how she's made it impossible for me to become anything and she gets really sad (or at least seems sad) about it. and during those times i feel like she genuinely didn't mean for things to go the way they have, just that she's really unaware and stupid kind of. but then when she is trying to manipulate or mess things up for me i just feel like she is 100% evil and knows what she's doing. but the times she feels bad about it it seems so genuine so i'm confused. she tries to help though, like she's trying to help me find an apartment and cosign for me since i don't have a job rn (unless that's a trick/lie). so it's the weirdest thing. but like at the same time, if i go somewhere with her in public she loves to act like i am so stupid and incompetent and need her help to any strangers she talks to. i think she just likes the idea of being needed so making me need her is good for her but at the same time she feels bad ?
but then she also completely forgets about everything i've explained to her about my past and i ask her if she honestly thinks she was a good parent to me and she answers that she thinks she was a decent one.

it's really hard for me to tell.

and she isnt even the one i am sure is the narcissist. it's my dad that is. i don't talk to him anymore even tho he lives here, i am never in the same room as him except for holidays but i don't speak to him at all. i don't even speak in front of him bc i dont want him to know anything about me now. but as a child, yeah he definitely treated us all like we weren't people, we were just objects there for his use and his amusement. though i've heard from my siblings he's mellowed out now and is just a sad old man.
but maybe my mom is a good person, she just got mixed up in his behavior, maybe she was even manipulated too and thats why she can't understand all the pain and issues she's caused me.
i have no clue, it's really hard for me to understand.

sorry for typing so much, it's like once i start there's just so much.