I know I am new so I do not have the history that some other members have. There are times when a healthy debate is stimulating and good for the critical thinking part of our brains. Something I try to remember that I forgot recently but was able to reign it in is.... Is it more important for me to be right or to be kind? Is it more important to 'show that person how it is' or offer validation and compassion? There are times where I feel strongly about something and will continue to drive a point but that is generally relegated to when another member asks for advice or wants to know if they are seeing things with an open mind or if there is an ethical answer. I have come to understand that things that involve trauma or people that have been traumatized are not looking to find out if they were "right" or "wrong" Generally they are looking for validation and empathy. I can only speak for me, but my recent involvement in a thread where my compassion went out the window was a result of getting caught up in drama (which I NEVER do) and feeling like I had to take a side. Its hard when certain things from both sides make somewhat sense. Its also hard when I get on my high horse and think it I did things my way then everyone should do things my way. It involves ego and self righteousness. We all give in to our egos at times. And some of us have constructed a delicate layer to our egos that needs constant affirmations. That problem falls squarely on the persons' with the ax to grind. I do not agree with ditching the forums because its not "safe" or because I feel unliked. I first try and make sincere amends and usually that solves the problem because I mean it. I think if more people were able to see their part in a conflict that safety would be felt by more people. It always takes two or more to debate or argue and there isnt always an obvious "right" person. Being human is ok, admitting you were wrong or overeacted, or lacked sensitivity isnt concession to another person. It just means you made a mistake and we all make them. I hope people do not just shutdown and leave because often those people contribute a lot of useful stuff.