I have a lot of background fear,also a fear that I am going to die soon.I spoke to my therapist again,our sessions ended in December,about seeing her again,as I am not in a good place,she agreed to see me again for a few sessions.I told her about dropping out of the art course because of bullying and that the art tutor joined in the bullying.She said that is a shame,then I told her about the introduction to counselling 10 week course that I'd like to try and asked her if she'd referee me.She said she'd ask her boss if that was ok and if he said yes she'd be happy to do it.I actually had mentioned to her in one of our sessions last year that I wanted to do her job and I was surprised when she said ,why don't you,I am sure you can do it,it is entirely possible.I didn't think more about it at the time, but the idea recently came into my head to look into it and sure enough the intro course is available this September.It is only a 10 week course which you can do to see if the job is suitable for you and you are into it.I have nothing to lose giving it a go.
Part of me thinks I can do it and be good at it another part of me think I haven't got the energy,skills or intelligence.But then I have had that many **** counsellors and therapists I know for a fact I have the knowledge and experience to do better than them!Yet I lack confidence and self esteem.This is all conflicting feelings and makes me confused and disorientated and overwhelmed that I want to just give up and not do it.The encouraging thing is I've found out the cost of the courses that I have to do and they are affordable!